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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Making The End In Sight

Hey everyone!

Sorry I missed yesterday's deadline. On Twitter I said I'd have to postpone it till today as I didn't really dedicate proper time to it and had spent the evening out. I promise I won't procrastinate these things any more (it'll be good practice before school work starts up again).

Anyway, I decided I start this off with a personal post.

A thought occurred to me last night: Where is the End?

I was reading a novel and something in it made me think about myself and how many things I've left incomplete in my life. I have a shelf of notebooks with a bit of writing in it but none are completely filled, not even my attempt at a diary. I continued to think about this and came up with the following list:

1. Martial Arts-Left once I had my priorities in life switch in middle school and felt it conflicted too much (I was close to becoming a high yellow belt--I still have the previous ones as well as all my training videos and sparring gear).
2. Piano-Stopped as it clashed with the Support Group I was asked to join but after that was over, the keyboard I got for Christmas sat in my home untouched, still does.
3. Singing-Left the church choir after leaving the church completely but joined in school for a while but left that completely as well.
4. Therapy-This one I'm not too bothered by because I felt it wasn't working out but I really didn't give it much time (2-3 months).
5. Skateboarding-Once my older friends graduated and we started seeing each other less, I left my brand new board with the rusty bearings in need of cleaning and/or replacement unscathed. It still looks like the day my friends bought it for my 15th birthday with exception for the wheels from the older flea market-bought board I had.
6. Novel-I've been stuck at chapter 3 for about 2 years now...

If you were to ask me how I think my future will shape out to be, it's about as bad as asking me anything about my childhood; my answer will be I have no idea. I definitely do have plans and things I want to accomplish, but my issue is actually visualizing them happening. They only ever appear as plans. At first I may get excited and think about all the possibilities, but that's a very short-term moment.

All these things I've mentioned that were incomplete aren't things I've forgotten, but things I really loved to do, which is what bothers me! I loved them all, except for the therapy, as I mentioned, but the common trend seemed to be something made me stop. I could probably credit something outside of my power for each one, but I think this only further reveals something about myself: I am NOT a self-starter.

The advice my dad always gave me (and I still hear from time to time) is "Be a leader, not a follower" and I definitely took that advice to heart, at least I thought so. My plans have been aimed to achieve this but it seems that without someone or something guiding me to make it happen, I won't fulfill it. I have taken on leadership positions before so I know I'm definitely capable of it, but it was either asked for me or a last resort.

I don't want this to be the way any longer.

Coming to this realization and putting it forth for all of you, I am going to make this an end to achieve the End. There are things I can and have accomplished, even if its as minuscule of a task as finishing a book I read for amusement or self-learning purposes. So why can't I apply it to the rest of my life?

I can.

I will.

Once I have a job again, I'll get back to my martial arts school but in the meantime I'll practice at home.

I'm going to pick this keyboard up every week and try to relearn what I once I did and continue to learn more.

Though I sing plenty around my friends and it's a bit difficult now with my braces (it definitely does alter your vocal abilities--kudos to those who manage it well), I'm going to sing more often and even try to drag friends out to karaoke a little more often. I hope that one day I can share it with you all.

My brother has a skateboard now as well so we will practice together.

I will write chapter 3 of that novel and chapter 4 and 5 and so on until I hit that final period.

Therapy, well, I doubt I'll do that again as I've been able to find my own ways to handle my situations.

As for all the plans I hope to accomplish such as pole dancing (I'll write more about that in the near-future) and advancing in my career and education and even my blogs, I want to ensure that they won't suffer this same fate as well unless I truly feel they aren't right and not because I couldn't motivate myself to do it for myself. I've had my moments at times with my blogs and schooling where I just want to call it quits, but I have always found a way to get myself back into it.

This is what I want to do for life. I want to be able to make things happen for myself. I will make things happen for myself.

So I ask that you all take some time to take a look at yourself and how it's going for you. Do you see anything that you're allowing to inhibit yourself? How do you want to take it on? Have you ever allowed your motivation to be deterred? Any other thoughts or ideas come to mind after all this (if you have any ideas on how to remain self-motivated, definitely shout them out in the comments)?

Thanks for joining and tune in next week (Tuesday for sure) for another trip. Also, if you have any ideas for destinations, check out my previous post for how you can let me know about them. I'd really like to hear what's on your minds.

Luna-tick Tock

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